Month: June 2018

God Knew Our Hearts Needed You

This is something that I have hesitated to post just because of feedback, what people might think of me, and etc…But I have just felt the need to share, because I know I’m not the only one. I feel like moms go through this but have to keep quiet about it because of mom shaming. And that is so sad.

I know I’ll probably get mom shamed for this by some. But I’m not perfect and I am a real person who has real feelings.

And if you want to go ahead and judge me, criticize me, or whatever. Then I kindly ask you to just keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself.

 

This pregnancy has been a very emotional one. Not only because of typical pregnancy hormones, but also everything that I have gone through since becoming pregnant. Something I don’t talk about is that in the beginning we thought we were losing this baby. I started cramping and then started to bleed; I was really early…probably about 5 weeks along. I was absolutely terrified and felt numb. The thought of losing this baby, even that early on just didn’t seem right. My doctor did an ultrasound and they could see a sac but no baby and no heartbeat. Which the doctor said it could be too early but I had to wait a week which felt like an eternity. Just to see if there was any growth/progress. I was put on pelvic rest and had to rest as much as possible. My next appointment couldn’t come soon enough. At that appointment we got to see and hear the tiny heartbeat. But of course we weren’t out of the woods yet; because baby wasn’t measuring where it should be. So I had to have weekly appointments until 8 weeks to make sure everything was progressing normally. God answered our prayers for sure because at 8 weeks baby’s growth was perfect and had a strong heartbeat.

After that all passed I started to picture just who this little baby is. But little did I realize I would face a whole new set of emotions that I have never felt. I will start off by saying that I absolutely love this little boy more than I can explain and I cannot wait to meet him.

But it’s taking some time to get to that point.

I dealt with gender disappointment.

It is not easy to talk about, because I NEVER want him or anyone to think that I  love him any less.

Before I got pregnant we knew that there was a good chance it would be a boy, of course it’s 50/50. But I always just wanted to be a mom to all girls. I’m such a girly girl that I just always pictured myself raising girls.

So when you have a picture in your mind of how you think things should be, that’s just the way it should go…

I was so anxious to find out what we were having, but of course I ultimately thought we were having another girl. I had such a strong feeling we were having another girl, until about 14-15 weeks something changed. I noticed I just didn’t feel as strongly anymore and deep down I just knew I was having a boy BUT I didn’t believe that feeling. I constantly pushed those feelings aside and didn’t even picture our little family with a boy.

We found out at 16 weeks, we were having a boy.

Trying to describe how I felt, will make me feel like a cold heartless person, unless you have felt the same thing. I’m not going to deny the fact that I just felt so upset over the news. I knew in time that I would come around. Because boy or girl, I love this baby so deeply.

So many thoughts went through my head. I went through about a two week period of just sorting through my thoughts and feelings.

I cried, a lot. I cried when I realized that I was most likely having a boy. I cried when we found out. I cried to myself. I cried to Caleb. I cried to a few friends. I would have to hold back tears anytime “the gender” was brought up and act happy.

I hated the fact I had to act happy. It hurt. I didn’t want to hear comments like “Oh, now you have the perfect family”, “home run family”, and etc. For one, there is no “perfect family” definition. Everyone has their own perfect family, and just because someone has one boy and one girl doesn’t mean their family is more perfect over someone who has all girls or all boys.

I couldn’t even look at any baby clothes. I wasn’t willing to come to terms and even had thoughts that maybe just maybe the baby isn’t a boy, and is a girl. And we will find out for at 20 weeks. No, I wasn’t naïve. I knew more than anyone that this baby was a boy. I just needed to sort out my thoughts and feelings.

After a week of what almost felt like grieving, which I kind of felt like I “lost” something. I started to think that maybe deciding on a name and buying some outfits would help me and I would start to feel happy. Those things helped a little.

I also started thinking how we would announce the gender but I just couldn’t think and no ideas seemed good enough. I finally decided on an announcement idea, and at the time I didn’t realize just how special it was going to be… (See our gender reveal here)

Time is already a blur, just because I felt like I was in such a fog. But the week we decided his name, my husband really wanted to tell his grandfather we were naming our son after him. I wanted to, but also I didn’t because I just wanted to feel truly excited and I wasn’t to that point yet.

But for some weird reason at that point which I couldn’t explain I felt like we should tell his grandfather too. His grandfather’s face just lit up with pure joy when we told him. I will never forget his reaction and that day. My heart started to heal because naming our son after him, is an honor. And Caleb couldn’t wait for the day that Warren would get to meet baby Warren face to face.

A few days later, Caleb’s grandfather passed away…

My heart sank and just broke into so many different pieces.

I had to hold myself together to be there for my husband who lost such an important person in his life.

I felt upset, broken, but mostly, I felt angry. I felt angry at myself for feeling the way I did because we were having a boy. I also felt so selfish. Selfish for taking the excitement out of finding out. I constantly regret feeling the way I did, but I am only human who has feelings and I just needed to work through them. God knew that our family needed this little boy and I am definitely excited and couldn’t picture our family any differently.

If you have dealt with the same and you know what gender disappointment feels like. My heart breaks for you and with you. It’s not easy to talk about, especially to someone who has never dealt with it because they won’t understand. I didn’t understand it, until I experienced it.  Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone and to explain your feelings. It might help. I confided in a few of my close friends, only for them to tell me, they’ve been through it. Which I had no idea, but it’s because it’s just something that isn’t talked about and we are made to feel like we aren’t allowed to feel a certain way. You are allowed to feel that way. And it is completely normal. If you are going through it, don’t feel ashamed. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby, you just loved the idea of a certain gender and just have to reroute your thoughts. And soon you will love the idea and won’t be able to picture your family differently.

God knew long before we did, our hearts needed this little boy.

To Ellie: Before you Become A Big Sister

 

To my sweet Ellie,

You forever changed my life the day you made me a mom. You are so incredibly special and so loved.

In just a few short weeks, our lives are going to change and things are going to be so different. I know you most likely will not remember life without your baby brother, but I will. I will never forget the day I held you for the first time and all of the times I just spent holding you. I’ll never forget all your little coos, the first time you smiled (a real smile) at me, when you crawled for the first time, took your very first steps, and said your first words. I will never forget all of our times we have had just us two. And I will cherish those for forever.

Our attention is going to be divided, but just know that our love NEVER will be. I know our love for you is only going to grow more when we see you with him. You are so full of love and I know you are going to absolutely adore him. And you are going to be the biggest helper. I can already see you now, the moment he starts crying you will run to get his pacifier or come tell me that he’s hungry. And you will want to spend every possible moment just holding him. Don’t be surprised if you see me crying, because I will just be so overwhelmed with love for you and him. I hope and pray that you bear with your daddy and I for the first few months as we figure out how to function as a family of four. But I have no doubt in my mind that you will adjust well.

You are absolutely the light of our lives and giving you a sibling and a forever friend is something so special.

I can’t wait to watch you and your baby brother grow up together.

25 Weeks

25 weeks

Baby is as big as a cauliflower

And is 1.46 pounds and 13.5 inches



Why is time flying by so fast and who can make it slow down, just a little bit??





My updates have been pretty few this time around just because it is no joke at all when they say the second pregnancy is different than the first.
For me it is pretty similar but the biggest difference is I have little time to sit down at my computer, okay I’m not being honest, I have a little time in the evening but that time is spent sleeping. I’m always just so EXHAUSTED. Between working full time and having a toddler. All while trying to keep a house in one piece…really doesn’t seem like a lot but when you are growing a human. It’s draining.
Thankfully my husband has been wonderful and takes on the kitchen duties because dealing with dirty dishes makes me gag. He’s been amazing at keeping up with that and it helps a lot.
Ellie has become my little helper as well. She will help me do laundry, vacuum, clean her room, and other little things here and there. The other day we were upstairs and she just started putting things away (in random places) and I asked her what she was doing and she said “I need to clean!” haha oh let’s just hope she feels that way in a few years when she has real chores.







The closer the day gets, the more excited we all get about meeting this little guy. I constantly think about who will he look like? Will he have blonde hair and blue eyes like his sissy or will we get a little red head?!
Will he be relaxed and chill, like his daddy? (let’s hope!) Will he be into sports when he grows up? Or be more musically inclined? I have so many questions!
But one thing I know for sure is that he is so loved and he will never have to question who truly loves him.

 

 

How far along are you? 25 weeks

 

Weight Gain: +10…I’ve been slow at gaining weight this time around. But I’m not going to complain!

Comments:
“I thought you were pregnant, but you’re so little I couldn’t tell, until you stood up”

“I can finally tell you’re pregnant!”
“You look tired” – Really? I had NO idea…
“Wow you have really popped, no hiding that belly now” – Again, really? No idea…


Fears: Ellie not adjusting well. She is such a good girl that I just fear it’ll turn her world upside down so much that she won’t handle it well. Which I don’t know where that fear comes from. Because she adores babies and gets SO excited when we talk about her baby brother. She is constantly kissing my belly and saying “I love you baby Warren”…and cue tears because she is just the sweetest big sister already. I know she is only two and won’t fully understand there will be a new baby until he’s actually here. But she acts like she already gets it.

General mood: Irritable. I have ZERO patience for anything or anyone.

Sleep: It’s been okay. I haven’t gotten to uncomfortable yet. Expect when I find a toddler has found her way in our bed in the middle of the night and I’ll be getting kicked in the back my her and kicks in my belly at the same time.

Things I was surprised by: How similar this pregnancy is to my first. Just a few days ago I started getting pretty bad cramps and just didn’t feel well. I decided to see what was going on around this time last pregnancy and I wrote the SAME thing…I think that is so crazy.
Around 16 weeks when we found out what we were having, I was told my placenta was in the front and that I wouldn’t feel kicks until about 26 weeks. But I have been feeling kicks ever since around 15 weeks and they have only gotten stronger. Especially those ninja kicks to my bladder.

Things I am most looking forward to: Starting this little one’s registry. Poor thing already has second child syndrome. I’m so behind on EVERYTHING! We may have decided on his nursery theme. But (call us crazy) we are in the process of hopefully moving before he comes. So everything we have bought is currently in a  box.

What I think is really cool and crazy:  As I previously noted, how similar my two pregnancies are. In the beginning they were a little different. I wasn’t as deathly ill this time, but I also knew what to do to feel somewhat better. Eat, eat, eat…which I didn’t know that would help me the first time. Also I tend to like the same foods as I did before.  It is also crazy that I am now over halfway done and a lot of stress is setting in.

Food Aversions:  I hate broccoli and cauliflower. They both just taste like straight garbage to me (as if I know what that tastes like…) anything fermented seems to just make me nauseous (again as if I eat a lot of things like sauerkraut..) I can’t deal with citrus fruits. The smell is awful. Chocolate-anytime I eat it, I get horrible heartburn. I’m putting coffee on this list because I don’t like it, but I do force myself to drink it now that I’m not as sick because…I have a toddler. No need to explain anymore….

Food Cravings: Vanilla milkshakes are something I really like, but have only had two so far. I prefer anything that’s on the colder and lighter side. Sandwiches, salads (with no dressing because I hate it), and really cold water. I don’t really have any strong cravings though. Food just isn’t appealing but I eat because I will start to get sick if I don’t. Looks like once again I won’t fully get rid of my morning sickness.

Maternity Clothes:  Uhhh DUH! I am in no way going to be uncomfortable this time around. Yeah I can fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans but you best believe they will not be finding their way on me this time around. I’m all about comfort. I have quite a few pairs of maternity leggings/pants from Isabel Maternity from Target. SO comfortable.

Gender:  A sweet baby boy!

It’s a…

It has been a month since we found out what baby #2 is. And we are FINALLY telling our big news! Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to do a special gender reveal announcement but I just didn’t quite know what that would be. It didn’t have to be something no one has done. Just special to us and our family. Little did I know just how special our little one is going to be…
After we found out what we were having, life kind of just got a hold of us and we just didn’t feel like it was the right time to post our news.
I appreciate those who reached out to me to make sure everything was okay. And I apologize if I didn’t respond back, I read every message but just wasn’t able to respond to them all. We were dealing with our sweet little Ellie getting really sick twice in a two week span (she just recovered from that about a week ago) so obviously she is our top priority and we needed to take care of her and get her back to her normal self. And my husband’s family lost a very important man, his grandfather.  Which was beyond devastating. Ever since I met Caleb, his grandfather was someone he talked about often and I knew he was someone he looked up to so much. Shortly after that, I got a call saying my grandmother won’t be with us much longer… I just didn’t feel right even working on our good news with everything we were going through.
Despite everything, my husband and I decided it was time to share our news. Especially since we knew just how important this little baby of ours is.

With all of that being said…

We are so excited to announce that the newest addition to our family is…

A BOY!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Oh how we love this sweet little one so much already.

We also decided to tell everyone his name. If you followed me when I was pregnant with Ellie, we didn’t publicly announce her name until she was born. But this time we decided to announce his name before he is born for a few reasons. My husband and I always knew that if we had a boy, we would incorporate his grandfather’s name, either first or last. About a few weeks ago we decided that it would be his first name. Nothing else appealed to us. A few days after we decided, Caleb really wanted to tell his grandfather that we were naming our boy after him.
And I’m so glad we did, because little did we know that just a few days after that…his grandfather would pass away. I know Caleb envisioned his grandfather holding little Warren in July and my heart just breaks because that won’t happen.
So our little Warren is one special little guy. He is the only boy to carry on the Cheek name and his great grandfather’s name.
Of course every baby is a blessing to a family, but we can’t help to feel extremely blessed to be welcoming this little boy into our family this summer.





To see our gender reveal video: Click here

12 Weeks

I’ll just get right into it!

Has this pregnancy been different than the first? Yes. It’s been in ways harder because I have a busy toddler and she doesn’t understand that mommy just doesn’t feel good or is so tired. So that upsets me because I feel like I’m kind of letting her down. But after the first few rough weeks she kind of understood and instead of asking me to chase her, she would ask me to come sit and play. Sweetest girl!

Have you been as sick? If you followed me the last time, you would have known I was extremely sick with Ellie. It was awful. I was so terrified of that happening again so I wanted to do things differently this time. My doctor recommended that I start taking vitamin b6 and using magnesium oil everyday (this was about a year ago) because I was super deficient in a lot of vitamins and that can trigger morning sickness. So I started those things since I knew eventually we would have another and my doctor said that the more time I can build up my vitamin intake. The better.

Also this time I ate. Even when I felt so crappy, I’d snack on cheese and crackers or have peanut butter toast. With Ellie, I hardly ate. It sounds terrible but I just didn’t know how much eating small things early on would help.

So with those two things I think it really took the edge off my all day sickness. From 6-9 weeks I was pretty miserable. And not much could help, but I could still semi function. I made sure to keep taking the b6 and magnesium oil.

Food aversions and sensitivity to smells is definitely a big trigger into how I felt. So I tried to eat things very bland and cooking food was a nightmare.

9 weeks to now I have my days, some are better than others. But I still don’t feel “normal” and I’m waiting on that second trimester!

Food Aversions: vegetables, especially cooked. They smell terrible, beef is awful, anything strong. Oranges and anything citrus makes me so nauseous.

Cravings: I don’t crave things too much, I just prefer certain foods. Panera bagels and cream cheese saved me those first few weeks, strawberries and blueberries, crackers and cheese, and peanut butter.

Other symptoms: Very fatigue, moody, breakouts ( my skin is AWFUL), constant stuffy nose, back pain, and bloating.

All in all the first trimester, not much goes on except sickness and extreme fatigue. The first trimester is all about survival. So even being a working mom, I tried my best to rest when I could. But I’m really hoping I get a little more energy and less sickness soon.

Pregnancy Announcement

Happy New Year!!

2018 is going to be amazing!

We can’t wait to meet baby Cheek #2!

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