Category: Uncategorized (Page 1 of 2)

Mr. ONEderful Birthday Party

I love getting to celebrate my babies.

And there’s just something so special about that first birthday. I know it’s more for the parents and the child won’t remember their first birthday party but I can’t help but still put together a little birthday party! I kept things low key because Warren doesn’t like a lot of people and it was perfect. He seemed to have a good day even though he had no clue what was going on.

Putting together Warren’s party was so fun. I’m so used to girly parties that I wasn’t sure if I could do a good job at a boy party. But the more I planned, the more I found such cute things for his party!

He had such a dapper party and I loved how everything came together!

I partnered with BellsNBerries on all the little decorations that made everything come together! She designed all the cupcake toppers, cake topper, banners, favor tags, and food tent cards. They were so cute and fit the theme perfectly!

Matching family shirts from: OlivrandCo

 

So here photos of Mr. ONEderful’s first birthday party!

 

Cutie Pea Diapers & Wipes Review

The last few months, Warren has been so sensitive to every diaper. Even brands I used in the past he just had a constant rash. So I would try to let him just air out, tried different creams and even tried all natural diapers. I was religious about using Honest with Ellie because she had a reaction to every other brand. So I tried it for Warren and it made his rash worse.

I stumbled across a brand that uses Bamboo in their diapers and wipes. Cutie Pea makes Eco hypoallergenic diapers and wipes. I immediately had to try them because nothing else was working.

Game changer. Seriously. After a week of using the diapers and wipes he hasn’t had a rash since!

And let me tell you these diapers are SO soft and so absorbent! I find that we don’t go through them as fast as other brands.

I never knew I would care so much about something as simple as a diaper. But when it comes to my babies, I’m very cautious of everything. I stay away from products that have added chemicals and fragrances. I have always found anything with those to be irritating to my babies’ delicate skin.

Cutie Pea is dedicated to making diapers and wipes that are not only safe for your baby but also durable while being so soft and comfortable.

My Struggle with PTSD

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

Which is something that hits me close to home. Years before I even had kids I struggled with anxiety. I knew my triggers and I learned how to control it. Of course it would sometimes get the best of me but I knew what to do to calm down.

Even after my first, I don’t feel like my anxiety took over. I would have the blues here and there and the constant worrying but everything I dealt with I felt was normal.

But then came my second. His birth was amazing compared to my first. With my first I had to be induced, had IV pain meds, and then eventually had an epidural. I was in labor for 28 hours and I pushed for 3 hours…it was a lot but I soon forgot everything the moment I met my baby girl. When I got pregnant again I knew I wanted my birth to be different. I prayed I would go into labor on my own and that I would do it without any meds. Well God answered both those prayers. My second labor and delivery was amazing. I won’t lie that it was in fact the most painful thing I have ever done. But it was exactly what I wanted.

However, that all changed two hours after I gave birth.

After I had my son I wasn’t feeling good and felt very weak. But I just figured I was beyond exhausted from not sleeping for over 24 hours. I was in newborn bliss holding my son and having skin to skin time when my nurse came to check on me and pressed on my stomach. She noticed right away something wasn’t right. I started to bleed too much. She changed out the pad but I filled it up with so much blood in a matter of minutes. She pressed on my uterus again and baseball size clots started coming out of me. Caleb was standing next to me the whole time this was happening and before I knew it a whole bunch of nurses filled the room and they handed Warren to Caleb and pushed him away. After they took Warren away everything got blurry. Everyone kept asking me if I felt okay or if I felt like I was going to pass out. I said I was fine. I lied. I felt horrible and was in and out of it but I was terrified. I was so scared to close my eyes because I was afraid I would never wake up. I just kept myself awake and focused on my sweet baby boy and my little family. I prayed and prayed that God would help me through so I would live. I was beyond terrified thinking I was losing my life. That my babies would grow up without me. My thoughts that ran through my mind, haunt me to this day.

I really can’t remember the time frame of anything at that point. I was given a medication to stop the bleeding but they told me it might not help so they prepped me for emergency surgery. Well nothing can explain what happened next expect that God took over and I stopped bleeding excessively. Finally things started to calm down but I was in the biggest daze and I don’t remember much after that. I know we had very close family and friends visit but Caleb called and texted people who wanted to come visit to tell them we were no longer feeling up to visitors because I needed time. We were allowed to go home the next day but I was put on strict bed rest for two weeks because I was at high risk for hemorrhaging again. A week postpartum I was feeling really good and barely bleeding so we ventured out to Target as a family of 4. I noticed while we were there I started to bleed, a lot. So we left and when we got home I noticed I was clotting again. I panicked. I called my doctor and they said to go lie down and if I fill two more pads in the next hour or so to go straight to the ER. I was terrified. I remember lying in my bed crying and overwhelmed. I felt like it was never going to stop. Thankfully it did.

After all of that I never felt quite right. My doctor diagnosed me with postpartum anxiety and depression. But it wasn’t until later that she said I’m most likely suffering from PTSD. Which I never thought something like that could happen. But it makes sense. I was completely traumatized and it’s going to take time to heal from that. When I was pregnant with Warren, one of my biggest fear was hemorrhaging for some reason, and when it happened it just sent me through a whole new wave of emotions. It is something that I know will get better but anytime anyone ever asks me if we are having another baby, my heart starts to race and I feel the anxiety building up. I will be honest I would absolutely love to have another baby but going through what I went through makes me not. My midwife said it might not happen again but it also could happen and if it did, it could be worse.

So for now I’m just focusing on my two sweet babies and doing everything I can to be the best mom for them.

 

My Little Light

I don’t really know where to start or exactly what to say. But I’ll start with the day my daughter changed my life. 

This time I’m not talking about the day she was born, even though that day she did change my life. I’m talking about just recently. 

I was having (another) one of those days, nothing was going right and I was just angry and frustrated. I try my hardest to not let my emotions show but it’s been a struggle. 

That day Ellie looked at me and asked “Mommy, why are you not happy anymore?”

I froze. I just looked at her and the look of sadness on her face broke me. 

I couldn’t think of what to say. Not that I didn’t have a reason, I had too many but trying to find the words to explain to a three year old, was impossible. 

I also realized that day, my emotions are effecting her. Anytime I’m not happy, she acts out more. Which is not fair to her. 

I’ve been battling postpartum depression and anxiety since having Warren. It has not been easy, on anyone. And to be honest. It just sucks. I don’t like to talk about it because although I’m finally on the right track to getting better…it’s still a daily struggle. My main focus is to raise happy and healthy children. So taking care of me falls into that. How can I raise happy and healthy children if I’m struggling? Ever since my six week postpartum checkup I’ve been working on getting better. But the day Ellie asked me that question, changed me. Looking at her and seeing her sweet innocence and realizing I am fully responsible for how she handles her emotions just shook me to my core. She needs me. She needs me to show her it’s okay to be upset but she needs me to guide her to help her overcome emotions. And I was failing her. 

She has no idea how much I need her. She’s a spirited soul and very strong willed. But also the most kind and loving little girl. I watch her interact with kids her age and she will always help them if needed, she lets kids go in front of her, the way she talks to them there’s always a kindness in her voice and I’ve seen her give out so many hugs. She’s my little light. And I absolutely refuse to ever let that little light burn out. 

My light burned out but because of her, I’ve found a new strength and to keep that light burning again. Everyday is a new day to work on myself, but I’m working on myself for Ellie and for Warren. I want them to have a mom that is happy. Of course not everyday will be easy. If you ever dealt with depression and anxiety you will know that it creeps up on you so fast. But as the days go by I can find more happiness in each day. 

It’s taking a lot to get to this point in my postpartum healing. I’m a firm believer that it can take up to a year to fully heal from giving birth, physically and mentally. 

Seriously you’re pregnant for a full nine, almost ten months and giving birth is one of the hardest things your body goes through. There’s no way to be completely healed within that 6-8 week window. If you’re struggling, it’s okay. 

Postpartum depression and anxiety comes in all shapes and forms and it looks different from person to person. So many people are being more open with dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety. And it’s quite amazing. 

You are not alone. 

I wish I knew the secret to heal your mind, but I don’t. I’m slowly getting to a point where I feel better more and more. 

Seeing my daughter happy more days, because I’m happy…is my motivation.

These days I now here her ask with the biggest smile on her face  “Mommy, do I make you happy?” Because she knows I will always answer yes with the biggest smile on my face. 

She is the one who changed my life. 

Little Spoon

  Introducing baby to foods is such a fun time. It’s one of my favorites because you get to let your baby discover new flavors and textures, it’s a whole new world for them. Not to mention all the cute faces they make when they try new foods.

I have always felt that the first foods a baby tries sets up their tastesbuds for years to come. We waited until Warren was 6 months before starting any foods and for the signs. Baby’s signs they’re ready for food are they’re interested in what you’re eating, can sit up, and their tongue reflex has disappeared(instead of pushing out foods they keep it in their mouth).

I definitely prefer foods that are all natural and organic. But I’m not a mom who does baby led weaning this early. Honestly, it scares me. I know babies need to learn how to chew but this early on my fear of choking is at an all time high. So I stick with purées and add textures to those. Typically I mash up foods for Warren because I’m not into buying baby food jars since most of them are highly processed. I do buy some pouches here and there because the ingredients to me aren’t as processed. But I was in search of baby food that was not only convenient but all organic. So I was so excited to try LittleSpoon for Warren. Their company is everything I look for in baby food. They have about 80 all organic ingredients that they use in their blends. They’re dedicated to baby’s growth and development, and each blend is crafted to be full of nutrition. And the best part? It’s delivered right to your door!

Warren is already a picky eater but every container he has loved! I love it because it just seems so fresh and like homemade baby food. I do love there is a variety of textures to help baby learn to chew and discover new textures.

Big sissy loves to help feed him and I love that each container comes with a spoon. It’s so important that babies learn to eat with utensils!

What Is A Mucocele??

 

This is something that I haven’t talked much about because well we’ve been just trying to figure out the best decision. Almost two months we discovered a small bump in Warren’s mouth on his right cheek. It quickly became big and I started to get concerned. It looked like a blister but of course I’ve never seen anything like it before.  So I quickly made an appointment with his doctor and she said it was most likely a mucocele but referred him to an ENT Specialist. So off we went…

 

You see, we as adults get mucoceles but they tend to go away since we have teeth and can pop them. Obviously there are cases where they don’t go away and do have to be removed. Mucocele are fluid/mucous filled cysts. They are harmless just can be annoying. Warren’s is on his right cheek and he used to push it out a lot more than but lately he hasn’t. We aren’t 100% sure how he got it but I feel like he may have cut his cheek with his nails and it formed a little blister. And because he’s a baby, he just started to mess with it and it got bigger.

At the specialist she looked at it and said it was indeed a mucocele and told us our options. But said he would need to have surgery. My heart sank. I just didn’t feel right about surgery. So over the next few days I battled with my feelings and started to do my own research. I was in contact with a couple different people and they mentioned taking him to a pediatric dentist. Which made perfect sense! Well the only thing they did there was look at it, say the same thing we knew and referred him to an oral surgeon. Still hopeful that we would get someone to help and maybe they could do something for him instead of surgery.

Well at the appointment it didn’t go well. The doctor barely looked at his mouth and quickly said surgery. Didn’t say anything they could do instead. I felt so uneasy the whole time we were there. I wanted to tell Caleb the moment we walked in that office that I wanted to leave. The surgeon said we would hear from them the next day and then the hospital would call us by the end of the week.  We left there and I just felt weird. I didn’t like the doctor and nothing seemed right. We decided to not go through with the surgery with that doctor. But get this…we have NEVER heard back from that surgeon or the hospital.

I literally felt so lost. Because everywhere we went I just felt like no one truly cared for his safety. Like no one explained the risks of surgery to us and no one seemed to put his safety first. And no one offered advice on what we could do for him instead.

I have just been following my mom gut the whole time about it.

I finally got some advice from a well known pediatrician in my area. He took one look at him and said he would never recommend surgery on him this young for that. Since it isn’t effecting him negatively in anyway. There is absolutely no reason to do surgery at this point. He put Warren’s safety first and I felt a wave of relief. The pediatrician also said that it might not go away…but also it might go away. Although the chances of it going away on it’s own are slim, I’m still hanging onto that hope and having faith that it will.

So we have just been monitoring it and him to see if there are any changes that effect him negatively but so far nothing has. And it has gotten smaller over the last few weeks.

At his 6 month well check his pediatrician got to see him and she said everything that the other pediatrician said. She also doesn’t feel the need to do surgery anytime soon. I wish we would have gotten that advice sooner. But going through everything we did just makes me feel even more confident that we are making the best decision for him.

 

I’ll definitely keep updating if there are any changes. I’m thankfully that he is a very healthy little boy.

But for now, pray along with us that it just heals itself.

💙

 

 

The Last Time

 

 

When you have a baby, you always look forward to those first moments. Their first smile, first giggle, first tooth, first steps, etc. Those are such special moments and they seem to happen so fast and before you know it you’re looking forward to the next “first.”

But what about the “last moments?” To me, those moments are even more special but also so hard because you never really know when the “last moment” is, until it has already happened. 

Like, the last time you will feel those little kicks in your belly or those tiny hiccups. Because before you know it those tiny little kicks become pitter patter footsteps that you’ll hear running through the house. 

The last time you and your whole family anticipates the news on whether it’s a girl or boy. 

The last time you’ll feel swollen everywhere and can’t seem to catch your breath. 

The last time you’ll anxiously await the arrival of your sweet baby. And the last time you will hold your newborn and take in that fresh newborn baby smell because one day they won’t have that smell and you never know when it will happen, it just does. 

The last time you rock your baby to sleep while softly singing their favorite lullaby. And suddenly you’re kissing them goodnight as they get into into their bed and go to sleep, all by their self. 

The last time they’ll wear a tiny newborn outfit, and before you know it. They’re getting dressed all by themselves. 

The last time you’ll feed your baby, because in a blink they’ll say “I can do it myself.” 

The last time they babble to communicate, and all of the sudden are talking in full sentences. 

The last time a teeny tiny little hand holds yours for help to walk, one day let’s go because you have given them the courage to let go and can now walk on their own. 

The last time you look at your baby, and your baby is no longer a baby anymore but a kid. They lost their baby look. 

One thing is for sure, those last moments will be sweet memories as well. And those moments teach us as parents to enjoy every moment we have with our children. 

I may not have older kids as mine are still little but going from the baby phase to toddler, there has already been so many last moments. When I look at my daughter, I no longer see a baby but a little girl. And I know one day I’m going to look at her and she will be a teenager and then I’ll blink and she’ll be an adult. 

So don’t blink too fast. Don’t rush through phases, even if it’s a hard phase. 

Let them be little, say yes more and hold them until they decide to let go. 

Birth Story

Warren Grey Cheek

 

On July 24th at 11:11 am, our wish came true.

Our baby boy entered this world weighing 7lbs 6.3oz and 19.5 inches long. 

Perfection doesn’t even begin to describe this little boy 💙

Where to start? My whole pregnancy I wanted to go into labor on my own. With my first baby, I didn’t. I was induced with her so I never got that experience. I also wanted to have a more natural labor since the first time I had pain medicine through an IV and an epidural. Even though that scared me because I didn’t know what to expect. But I just knew that’s what I wanted. 

Around 37-38 weeks my belly was measuring a lot smaller than “normal” so I had to get an ultrasound done to check his growth and fluid levels. After that appointment the doctor called me a few hours later and said my fluid was almost to the dangerously low side and that I needed to come to the hospital right away to do a NST and another ultrasound. That was a scary day because they talked about inducing me and I just didn’t want to be induced. Thankfully they let me go home and see if I could get my fluid levels up. Also they said he was going to be a “really small” baby and thought he might have stopped growing. So I was referred to a high risk ultrasound doctor to do a more thorough check. Thankfully my levels went up and he was showing growth from the last ultrasound. The doctors decided that at 40 weeks they would decide whether to induce me or not. I was so mentally and physically exhausted that I almost wanted to be induced so I could stop stressing. At my 40 week appointment and ultrasound my fluid levels looked good and so did he. They decided it was best not to induce and to let him keep cooking until he decides to come or to induce the next week. Through all the stress about him I always had a feeling that he is fine and I wanted them to just leave him and I alone. I felt relieved but I was just so miserable still. I took that whole weekend to just rest and relax…Little did I know what Monday and Tuesday would bring. 

I woke up Monday morning actually feeling okay. But by the afternoon I felt so exhausted and just didn’t feel good. I scheduled a mani/pedi for Ellie and I because I wanted my nails and toenails painted before his arrival. Before we were leaving I told Ellie that mommy just didn’t feel good and to be an extra good girl, she said “your belly?” And I said yes, so she said “Come our baby Warren!!” Typically she’s nice and sweet about telling him to come out but not the day…

At the appointment I started to feel some contractions but I have been having contractions for weeks so I didn’t think much of it. 

That evening I really didn’t have an appetite and I noticed my contractions were getting crampy and were coming off and on. But then they stopped after we took Ellie on a walk. After her bath I felt them a little stronger and kept coming. Still didn’t think much of it. Around 10:30 I decided to just go to bed. But only to wake up to the contractions coming on nonstop. So from 11:30-3:30 am I labored at home with contractions about 3-4 minutes apart. We decided to head to the hospital after Caleb’s Mom arrived to watch Ellie. I went upstairs kissed Ellie and cried. My “baby” was about to become a big sister. I was excited, nervous, and scared out of my mind because it just felt surreal. We knew we were going to meet our baby soon! 

Once at the hospital they needed to see if I would show any change in dilation so Caleb and I walked the halls for about an hour or so and I dilated to a 5. I was so proud of myself that I was actually dilating on my own. So we got admitted and I knew I wanted to be in the tub. Our hospital was amazing and they had a diffuser set up so I diffused lavender to feel as calm as possible. And peppermint to help ease my nausea. I labored in the tub for a few hours, until I was just to uncomfortable. I had my sister in law and Caleb with me. My sister in law is someone I knew I wanted by my side because she’s one of the strongest women I know. She’s had four babies all natural and two at home. So I knew she would be able to help me through. As soon as I got out of the tub my contractions were very strong and close together, I could barely make it to my room. After I got to my room, they checked me and I was a 7. This is the part that is pretty much a blur to me because things escalated pretty quickly. I was in so much pain so I asked for the epidural. At that point they moved me to the bathroom to pee before I got the epidural. Well sitting there I all of the sudden felt so much pressure and felt like I needed to push. In just a matter of minutes I went from 7cm to 10cm and was ready to push. No one told me directly but there was no time for the epidural and in my hazy state of mind I freaked out. How was I supposed to push a baby out with nothing. Pushing for me is never easy. I absolutely hate it but I was determined because it was the only thing that gave me relief from the pain. I’m so thankful for my support team and most importantly Caleb, because out of everyone talking there, his voice was the only voice I really heard and he kept me going. Forty minutes later at 11:11 am, a tiny little cry filled the room and our Warren Grey made his arrival. I couldn’t help but reach for my boy and hold him as quickly as possible. It felt so surreal to be holding our son. As soon as he heard me talk to him he just stopped crying and looked up to me. I didn’t know it was even possible but my heart grew so much that day and I’m so in love with him.

 

God knew our hearts needed you Warren and you complete our family 💙

 

I am so happy that one of my best friends and sister in law grabbed my camera. I didn’t know if I wanted any photos, but I’m so glad they captured these first moments with him. And I want to remember all of his tiny newborn features.

God Knew Our Hearts Needed You

This is something that I have hesitated to post just because of feedback, what people might think of me, and etc…But I have just felt the need to share, because I know I’m not the only one. I feel like moms go through this but have to keep quiet about it because of mom shaming. And that is so sad.

I know I’ll probably get mom shamed for this by some. But I’m not perfect and I am a real person who has real feelings.

And if you want to go ahead and judge me, criticize me, or whatever. Then I kindly ask you to just keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself.

 

This pregnancy has been a very emotional one. Not only because of typical pregnancy hormones, but also everything that I have gone through since becoming pregnant. Something I don’t talk about is that in the beginning we thought we were losing this baby. I started cramping and then started to bleed; I was really early…probably about 5 weeks along. I was absolutely terrified and felt numb. The thought of losing this baby, even that early on just didn’t seem right. My doctor did an ultrasound and they could see a sac but no baby and no heartbeat. Which the doctor said it could be too early but I had to wait a week which felt like an eternity. Just to see if there was any growth/progress. I was put on pelvic rest and had to rest as much as possible. My next appointment couldn’t come soon enough. At that appointment we got to see and hear the tiny heartbeat. But of course we weren’t out of the woods yet; because baby wasn’t measuring where it should be. So I had to have weekly appointments until 8 weeks to make sure everything was progressing normally. God answered our prayers for sure because at 8 weeks baby’s growth was perfect and had a strong heartbeat.

After that all passed I started to picture just who this little baby is. But little did I realize I would face a whole new set of emotions that I have never felt. I will start off by saying that I absolutely love this little boy more than I can explain and I cannot wait to meet him.

But it’s taking some time to get to that point.

I dealt with gender disappointment.

It is not easy to talk about, because I NEVER want him or anyone to think that I  love him any less.

Before I got pregnant we knew that there was a good chance it would be a boy, of course it’s 50/50. But I always just wanted to be a mom to all girls. I’m such a girly girl that I just always pictured myself raising girls.

So when you have a picture in your mind of how you think things should be, that’s just the way it should go…

I was so anxious to find out what we were having, but of course I ultimately thought we were having another girl. I had such a strong feeling we were having another girl, until about 14-15 weeks something changed. I noticed I just didn’t feel as strongly anymore and deep down I just knew I was having a boy BUT I didn’t believe that feeling. I constantly pushed those feelings aside and didn’t even picture our little family with a boy.

We found out at 16 weeks, we were having a boy.

Trying to describe how I felt, will make me feel like a cold heartless person, unless you have felt the same thing. I’m not going to deny the fact that I just felt so upset over the news. I knew in time that I would come around. Because boy or girl, I love this baby so deeply.

So many thoughts went through my head. I went through about a two week period of just sorting through my thoughts and feelings.

I cried, a lot. I cried when I realized that I was most likely having a boy. I cried when we found out. I cried to myself. I cried to Caleb. I cried to a few friends. I would have to hold back tears anytime “the gender” was brought up and act happy.

I hated the fact I had to act happy. It hurt. I didn’t want to hear comments like “Oh, now you have the perfect family”, “home run family”, and etc. For one, there is no “perfect family” definition. Everyone has their own perfect family, and just because someone has one boy and one girl doesn’t mean their family is more perfect over someone who has all girls or all boys.

I couldn’t even look at any baby clothes. I wasn’t willing to come to terms and even had thoughts that maybe just maybe the baby isn’t a boy, and is a girl. And we will find out for at 20 weeks. No, I wasn’t naïve. I knew more than anyone that this baby was a boy. I just needed to sort out my thoughts and feelings.

After a week of what almost felt like grieving, which I kind of felt like I “lost” something. I started to think that maybe deciding on a name and buying some outfits would help me and I would start to feel happy. Those things helped a little.

I also started thinking how we would announce the gender but I just couldn’t think and no ideas seemed good enough. I finally decided on an announcement idea, and at the time I didn’t realize just how special it was going to be… (See our gender reveal here)

Time is already a blur, just because I felt like I was in such a fog. But the week we decided his name, my husband really wanted to tell his grandfather we were naming our son after him. I wanted to, but also I didn’t because I just wanted to feel truly excited and I wasn’t to that point yet.

But for some weird reason at that point which I couldn’t explain I felt like we should tell his grandfather too. His grandfather’s face just lit up with pure joy when we told him. I will never forget his reaction and that day. My heart started to heal because naming our son after him, is an honor. And Caleb couldn’t wait for the day that Warren would get to meet baby Warren face to face.

A few days later, Caleb’s grandfather passed away…

My heart sank and just broke into so many different pieces.

I had to hold myself together to be there for my husband who lost such an important person in his life.

I felt upset, broken, but mostly, I felt angry. I felt angry at myself for feeling the way I did because we were having a boy. I also felt so selfish. Selfish for taking the excitement out of finding out. I constantly regret feeling the way I did, but I am only human who has feelings and I just needed to work through them. God knew that our family needed this little boy and I am definitely excited and couldn’t picture our family any differently.

If you have dealt with the same and you know what gender disappointment feels like. My heart breaks for you and with you. It’s not easy to talk about, especially to someone who has never dealt with it because they won’t understand. I didn’t understand it, until I experienced it.  Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone and to explain your feelings. It might help. I confided in a few of my close friends, only for them to tell me, they’ve been through it. Which I had no idea, but it’s because it’s just something that isn’t talked about and we are made to feel like we aren’t allowed to feel a certain way. You are allowed to feel that way. And it is completely normal. If you are going through it, don’t feel ashamed. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby, you just loved the idea of a certain gender and just have to reroute your thoughts. And soon you will love the idea and won’t be able to picture your family differently.

God knew long before we did, our hearts needed this little boy.

To Ellie: Before you Become A Big Sister

 

To my sweet Ellie,

You forever changed my life the day you made me a mom. You are so incredibly special and so loved.

In just a few short weeks, our lives are going to change and things are going to be so different. I know you most likely will not remember life without your baby brother, but I will. I will never forget the day I held you for the first time and all of the times I just spent holding you. I’ll never forget all your little coos, the first time you smiled (a real smile) at me, when you crawled for the first time, took your very first steps, and said your first words. I will never forget all of our times we have had just us two. And I will cherish those for forever.

Our attention is going to be divided, but just know that our love NEVER will be. I know our love for you is only going to grow more when we see you with him. You are so full of love and I know you are going to absolutely adore him. And you are going to be the biggest helper. I can already see you now, the moment he starts crying you will run to get his pacifier or come tell me that he’s hungry. And you will want to spend every possible moment just holding him. Don’t be surprised if you see me crying, because I will just be so overwhelmed with love for you and him. I hope and pray that you bear with your daddy and I for the first few months as we figure out how to function as a family of four. But I have no doubt in my mind that you will adjust well.

You are absolutely the light of our lives and giving you a sibling and a forever friend is something so special.

I can’t wait to watch you and your baby brother grow up together.

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